THINGS TO DO TO MAKE SURE YOUR ARRANGEMENT WILL BE A DISASTER:

1.) Make sure that all parts will have a different number of total
measures. Give some players repeats and others, no repeats. Give some
players 1st and 2nd endings and others, none.

2.) Do not include rehearsal letters, bar numbers or anything else that will
help musicians locate the actual music being rehearsed at any given time.

3.) Give all members of a large ensemble page turns at the same time. That
way the fluttering of pages will be deafening.

4.) Make all page turns occur when a crucial melodic or harmonic or rhythmic
event occurs, that way it will be botched.

5.) Do not consider page turns at all, assume all musicians are capable of
playing their instruments with only one hand.

6.) Have the brass change mutes in less than 6 seconds. (Make sure the
condenser mikes are placed closely to pick up the resultant cacophony).

7.) Do not cue any actual musical events on any part at any time. Keep 'em
guessing.

8.) Group multi-measure rests in increments larger than 32 bars. "Hey was
that 29, bars or 28?"

9.) Place woodwind doubling changes concurrent with page turns. In other
words, turn the page, discover that you are now on Oboe rather than English
horn.

10.) Do not number each bar.

11.) Place fermata in some bars, for some some instruments, and not for
others. Make sure everyone has a different number of total fermati.

12.) Place a "Segno" marking in a place that will be hard to locate, and
that will necessitate turning the entire arrangement back several pages, for
the sake of say, 6 bars, then turning forward for the coda. By all means,
do not write this out in full.

13.) Do not label each page of your copywork with Title, Instrument, and
Page Number. That way when everything eventually deconstructs, you will
have absolutely no way to put it back together.

14.) Change the key signature often, but do not put the key signature on
every line. Force your players to seek the key signature in effect at any
given time. Keep 'em guessing.

15.) Provide tempo changes (and fermata) to some parts, but not others.

16.) Provide drummers with a layout that does not reflect the phrasing of
the arrangement, just give them slashes for 63 bars or so, and do not cue
them any events. Make sure the drummer gets lost.

17.) Leave out the initial tempo marking and style of any arrangement. That
way, someone will be guaranteed to raise their hand and bring the rehearsal
to a halt.

18.) Do not notate any dynamics or expressive markings, just write notes and
rests, such as a computer would do.

19.) Do not write out anything. Make sure you have to explain everything to
everyone, all the time. Make sure you have to repeat your instructions to
each member of the ensemble, personally, one on one, all the time.

...Glad I could help,
Rick